|
[Saturday
August 15th, 2009 7:20pm] |
I can't believe we've been here four months and I'm still finding things that didn't get unpacked or were missing when they were unpacked. Four months and it's still a mess. Everything's been a mess lately. No time for anything. Get up, work, come home take care of Autumn. Clean the house, make dinner, clean my brushes, look for more work, do the laundry. Life just swelled out of proportion to be more difficult. Maybe it's nostalgia talking when it feels like it used to be easier.
Easier? Chasing after a high was never easier. Chasing after a toddler wasn't easier than waking up constantly to take care of Autumn. I don't think it's harder either. Just different. Maybe that's why it seemed easier, because I knew it better. But soon I will know this as well and it will fade and seem easier. I can't believe how much my daughter has grown. She's almost three now. Or she will be come January. Loves to get into everything. And I go after her, picking up the pieces until Miles gets home. He just likes to get down and play with her. Encourages it. Go figure.
Not that I mind. He loves her and I don't think I could have picked a better father. He's a good guy, takes care of his family. And hey, my dad doesn't hate him. That probably doesn't stand for much, given my father. He was always "Call me if you need a ride home, have fun." I think he would have had a harder time not asking me about the party than driving me home. Forget reprimanding me for it. Dad's just a kid himself, really. I mean come on, he's barely in his forties and owns a tattoo shop. He's good to me, always has been, takes care of Autumn when Miles and I are busy.
I know that family is important and most people are lucky to have a larger family. But you know? I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. It's a quality over quantity. The reason why I'm still here sorting through things, rather than off to find something better. That's something I never understood. Why wait for things to get better when you can find better now? Life's too short to wait around. I think that's the lesson I've learned lately. My baby girl is going to be grown in the blink of an eye, I can't waste a second. And I can't waste my time on people who aren't good for her in the now.
That's how kids change you. It doesn't matter what your goals were before, your world is centered around them now. So what if it's a big shoot, your baby is sick, you can't just leave her with someone. She needs you. There'll be work later. And there always is. Always some model who wants to make her mark, some actor who's sure he's the next big thing. And I'll be there, making them look their best. After all, that's why you pay people to do your hair and makeup.
I think that's why I haven't met most of my neighbors. God, that's so sad. I've lived here four months and I haven't met anyone. But we stay busy. Drive to New Jersey to work on a shoot, come home and take care of Autumn, lock myself with my laptop to figure paperwork and pay taxes. Pack up the babygirl and take her to the store so there'll be food. Try to sleep while she's giggling with Daddy.
I'd have to say, I'd be bored if I wasn't so busy.
|
|
|